Wednesday October 18, 2006
Steve beats up on Dania Beach. Pretty funny.
Wednesday December 7, 2005
Santa baby, hurry down
By the time you read this, the noosed and blindfolded Santa might have come down. Some unnamed guy hung him up in front of his house (not his primary residence) on the beach at 50th street. Residents complained (surprise), and the guy cried freedom of speech but promised to take Santa down by tonight. By the time we heard about it, it was too late to rush down there to check it out, so we’re relying on TV coverage, w/r/t which, isn’t it impressive how little it takes to get TV coverage?
Whatever. Get down with our bad self, dude. I’m glad I don’t live next to you, but do what you gotta do, I guess. See you ‘round Easter.
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Wednesday November 15, 2006
Google bench ads. Apparently a real thing. Spotted in Broward county.
Wednesday April 26, 2006
Lucky Oriental Mart
Ever since Maggie’s, I’ve been wanting to get down to Lucky’s (as everyone seems to call it). Tucked in a humdrum South Miami strip mall, it looks like nothing special from the outside.
Right by the entrance, a big refrigerator of Chinese bottled iced tea (this ain’t Arizona, kid), soft drinks, and beer. Refreshing.
A row of mysterious oriental snacks is obligatory. We bought some cola-flavored gum, black sessame seed crackers, and “cakes of green peas” (the later unopened so far).
On another asile, variety of freeze-dried and canned fish and seafood.
The promised land: a generous produce section. Everything looked fresh and delicious. Bought some bok choy.
Durian, the king of fruit.
Rootin’ for roots . . .
Quail eggs and, yes, “Coconut Jell.”
A wall of soy. There’s also a butcher (my photo was out of focus) with all the requisite squid and other stuff, and a section of oriental cookware and serving dishes.
By the entrance, another display of toys, trinkets, aromatherapy oils, a tennis-racket style mosquito killer, bonsai, swords, and doggie folding stools. Irresistible.
Lucky Oriental Mart
8356 SW 40 Street #D-I
Miami, FL 33155
Update: See also Maggie’s Oriental Mart.
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Wednesday April 13, 2005
Ticket Clinic
[Contributed by Steve Klotz]
Ladies/Gentlemen/Lawyers:
Thanks for representing me in Traffic Court. Once more I emerge unscathed – no record, no fine, just your reasonable fees. A small price for freedom and piece of mind, right? I am convinced that the only way to avoid tickets here in the Banana Republic of South Florida (BRSF) is to stop driving altogether, but without a functional public transportation system, this alternative is not viable. Therefore, you, the Ticket Clinic and your assorted offshot ilk, you’re the real public servants, genuine heroes, and I thank you.
Insofar as your financial well-being is of interest to me, may I offer a pair of suggestions?
First, consider “brand loyalty.” In a competitive market like BRSF – ever count the attorneys in the phone book specializing just in traffic infractions? You might investigate ways to keep your repeat customers repeating. How about a Frequent Violator Program? The third violation within a 12-month period earns a significant discount, or the violator can choose to accumulate 2 more and the 5th one is Free. Not just a rewards program, but built-in incentives, too!
No? Then how about a series of rewards: In increments of 3, violators achieve gift levels we can either cash in for prizes or hold for even better, more valuable premiums. Maybe on the third violation, we earn free cellular telephone minutes; on the sixth a free cellular phone – for obvious reasons, encourage us to use these while driving. Maybe when we hit 10, we earn a lap dance at an emporium known for its police clientele. so we can celebrate with friends and acquaintances, and thank them for making the good times roll.
Second, with my official notice of purchased innocence you sent me a nifty themed refrigerator magnet, complete with phone number. Thanks, but let’s be practical—what about a bumper sticker or a windshield decal? You could emboss it with our assigned Frequent Violator numbers.
That way traffic cops recognize a sophisticated offender, and skip the usual law-and-order-responsible-driver-safe-streets blah blah urk urk oogah oogah bullshit with which they bore us to tears before handing us the illegible paperwork. It also means that when the cop finally roars off on his fund raising mission we can waste no time placing our calls to you, provide our personalized Frequent Violator Number (FVN) and get the legal process rolling. “When the cop’s on your tail, put the check in the mail.”
Just some thoughts from a loyal customer and stakeholder. Please drive carefully, but drive often, right?
Thank you.
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Monday February 25, 2008
Tamarind juice
This tamarind juice was delicious, about the consistency of peach nectar. Very sweet, as it should have been — it contains high fructose corn syrup, which, along with the fact that it contains mostly water (30% actual tamarind juice) should have disqualified it from the “Juice” label. Oh well. I bought mine at Fruit and Spice Park, but it’s probably also available at Caribbean markets all over town.
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Tuesday December 26, 2006
Lolo has been rocking the restaurant reviews over at Meatless Miami. She’s squeezed a lot of functionality out of Blogger, allowing you to browse restaurants by neighborhood or search for the top-rated ones. Vegan-centric resource par excellence.
Thursday May 12, 2005
Critical Miami Plans Your Weekend
Thursday
Nina Arias, who was famously separated from the Rocket Projects gallery last September, is throwing a “one-night Sumo-wrestling and Japanese costume party” at the Moore Building tonight. The event, Titanes, runs from 8 to midnight, and invites you to dress up Japanese (free).
Friday
We believe that Miami Light Project actually commissioned their latest production, Scratch and Burn, which sounds amazing. It’s playing all weekend, but tonight’s performance is the only one that includes a question and answer session with the performers ($25). The Art and Culture Center of Hollywood opens the Hollywood All-Media Juried Biennial , which includes a number of Miami artists, including our pals Ross and Isabel ($5).
Saturday
An opening at Rocket Projects (Erika Somogyi in the Project Room (looks good); Cristina Lei Rodriguez is still in the main room) is part of this Second Saturday thing. Also an opening party at the Rubell Collection (more information to come on this one).
Sunday
All this week 13 Tibetan monks are creating a Sand Mandala at Art+ Gallery there will be a closing ceremony this afternoon, although you may want to drop by another day and see them at work; they’re open 11am to 6pm.
By the way, there’s growing excitement about the Trapeze Lessons we covered previously. Turns out there’s a website!
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Tuesday April 8, 2008
I picked up a copy of Biscayne Times the other day, and found a piece on Miami guerrilla gardening group Tree-0-5, which plants impromptu gardens in abandoned lots. Of course the group was started by Rag Trade’s Stephanie, so there’s another reason to be bummed out that she’s leaving town.
Friday June 24, 2005
Alanis Morissette Delocator
Alanis Morissette is playing tonight at the Jackie Gleason theater. Please don’t go. Morissette used to be cool, but recently she’s totally sold out, releasing an acoustic version of Jagged Little Pill. As if to make it clear that she wanted the last shreds of her credibility converted to cold hard cash, the album is available exclusively through Starbucks for the first six weeks of its release.
Now that you’re thoroughly disgusted, we give you the Stay Free Alanis Morissette Delocator. The idea behind the original Starbucks Delocator was to help people find non-Starbucks coffee shops. Same idea here.
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Tuesday October 2, 2007
What's up with mandatory PIP car insurance?
The state’s law requiring personal injury protection (PIP) insurance expired Sunday, though the fight is not quite over yet. What does this mean?
First, a primer on the exact changes (and please correct me if I’m wrong leaving out something important). The PIP law required every driver to carry $10,000 worth of protection for anyone injured by or in their car. It made Florida a “no-fault” state: if you’re in a crash with another driver, each drivers’ insurance covers his medical expenses, regardless of who caused the accident. Hence “no fault.” The logic behind this is that it allows everyone to get medical treatment without bureaucratic worries, and theoretically keeps costs low by minimizing lawsuits.
The dow