Friday June 3, 2005
[Contributed by Steve Klotz]
The re-examination of Miami-Dade’s urban limits begins in April of every odd year, when the Planning & Zoning Department accepts applications.—Miami Herald
Must be another odd year—but aren’t they all?
Ten, count-em, ten separate applications have been filed in Miami-Dade County to extend the Urban Development Boundary farther west The only real question is, how far west will it go?
I don’t understand why we’re nickel and diming this issue, moving the boundary a couple miles at a time every decade. Let’s just move it out to the Collier County line. In fact, why stop there? Let’s go to the Gulf. I’m sure we can buy an intelligence report and a Federal agency that support a case for Naples and Ft. Myers possessing weapons of mass destruction—Miami-Dade County troops, led by Police Czar Timoney on his militarily-modified swamp hopper bicycle, could launch a shock-and-awe type of strike and claim both cities.
Evidently, we won’t stop until every toad, bird, and palm tree is deader than King Tut, and every drop of water is three parts petroleum by-product. At this writing, 700,000 residential units are planned or under construction in Miami-Dade County alone but that’s not enough—Go West, Young Builder, and plunder the Earth. Who gives a shit about the environment anyway? We have air conditioning.
There’s even a surefire positive way to spin it: It’s to Protect Our Children! With the cities falling over one another in a frenzy to pass ordinances prohibiting convicted sex offenders from living in the same time zone as a school or playground, let’s clear a space out in the swamp where they all can legally relocate. Call it the Evergropes. Jerk Circle West. Hey, great exposure! (Jackson’s Hole has already been claimed, right?)
And hell, with the cost of South Florida housing where it is, only the finer class of pants-dropping, sneak-in-the-night pervert would find it a feasible move Snakes and skeeters would leave on their own, clearing the way for new, non-native vermin. Say—that rather describes what’s happening anyway.
Build Baby Build.
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