Friday September 7, 2012

DWNTWN Art Days weekend

So, Downtown Art Days. Let’s take a quick look at how badly these asshats have set this up. This is the retardedly named DWNTWN’s big event weekend-long signature event. (DWNTWN = Downtown Miami’s cultural website, created by the Miami development authority.) Check out their website’s homepage. There it is: “Save the Date/Art Days/Sept 7-8.” Awlright, click there! Hmm… you can’t click that(!!). Ok, click the link right underneath, “See More Events>”. That takes you to this page, on which there is NOTHING about the downtown art days. You can “filter by month” at the bottom, but clicking on “SEP” does NOTHING. Note that all the events on the page have passed. Clicking “CALENDAR” at the top takes you to the same page you’re already on.

AHA! — there’s a link for DWNTWN ART DAYS up there. Hallelujah. Click it. That takes you to this page, which at this point it should not shock you has NO INFORMATION on it. (Remember: this event is so central to this organization that their URL is named after it!) There is a link to a PDF “calendar and map,” and this is where I really start to get mad. Anyway, here’s the PDF. Check it:

• The first thing you see when the PDF opens is UPSIDE DOWN TEXT. So, it’s not that they don’t care enough to create a web page with the information — they don’t even care enough to create a screen-friendly PDF of their brochure.
• The PDF is not text — it’s that PDF where every page is just a big image? So when you zoom in to read the text, it gets pixelated and almost unreadable. You can read it, but only just barely. This is what we in the business call “user-hostile design.” (Above is a crop of what it looks like on my screen.)
• Again, it’s designed for print, so space is at a premium. SO: one-sentence descriptions of the events.
• On the third page or whatever there’s a list of venues with numbers and a metromover map with NO NUMBERS to tell you where the venues are. (As Dave Barry would say, “I am not making this up.”) The numbers are on the map on the preceding page, which has the route of the “Art Days Trolley.” That’s right, there are two maps. I have no words.
• The listings are not in chronological order. There is no rhyme or reason for what goes under “exhibitions” and what goes under “special events.” The locations listed with each event do not have the number that’d let you find it on the map. Actually, some of the locations aren’t even ON the map. Wow.
• Almost every single event is “Free and open to the public.” What do the rest of the words after the first word mean in that phrase? Also, what the fuck is “Free with paid admission?

Are these people deliberately making this hard because they for some reason want a bad turnout? This is not snark or sarcasm. I am not genuinely wondering. (Please do not tell me that they don’t have the money to do better, because I’m looking at this website, and they have MONEY for DESIGN.) Also, I’ve wasted all my time, so the rest of this guide is going to be abbreviated. I guess you’ll just have to head downtown, find a copy of whatever this PDF looks like when it’s printed, and hope it’s worth your while.

Friday

• Justin Long opening at the ACCH.
• For the record, a lot of the stuff at this DWNTWN Art Days thing sound good.

Saturday

• Remember Misael’s beach towel? Well, he’s doing a huge picnic blanket as part of the Art Days thing.
• Again, for the record a LOT of the DWNTWN Art Days is going to be worth checking out. In any case, you can get into MAM and the historical museum free with one of those maps.
• Duh, Artwalk. Not least of which is the new Spinello and new Dimensions Variable spaces.
• Also, remember the Floatopia thing that was supposed to be last weekend? There was a hurricane, so it was postponed. Happens today.

Sunday

• An antique and classic car show at Cauley Square. This seems like it would be fun, if you were inclined to head down to Homestead this weekend.

Tags: todo

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