Wednesday January 3, 2007

Jessica Alba Bikini

Hide your kids, y’all: it’s Jessica Alba frolicking in the temperate waters of the South Beach Atlantic Ocean. More here and here. Apologies to those that thought I wasn’t going to go there. Update: Jorday sez, “I’m not sure who she is but(t) – ah, a woman’s ass! I’m such a heterosmacktual…”

Tags: , ,


comments powered by Disqus
  1. Biscayne Bystander    Wed Jan 3, 07:30 PM #  

    Sweet. Especially that last set. Too bad she wasn’t hanging out with Paris & Britney...

    Don’t worry Alesh, I kept the links PG-13.

  2. Duran    Wed Jan 3, 08:27 PM #  

    very unlike you to be celeb coverage Alesh, but with assests like those i suppose Ms. Alba deserves a Critical Miami shout out, no?

  3. Manola Blablablanik    Wed Jan 3, 08:46 PM #  

    Ugh, I’ve seen enough of her ass, tits and ribs this week to throw up (occupational hazard). Guys, that’s Cash Warren, her fiancé holding her in a loving embrace. There were so many paps at that scene they had to call the cops, but they managed to keep playing football even later on the sand, when she covered up with a long dress.

    Our waters were celeb-infested this weekend — plenty of asses and other parts to go around.

  4. Duran    Wed Jan 3, 09:03 PM #  

    Well unfortunately (or fortunately) no vagina shots spotted in Miami this week Manola. I guess panties are back in style.

  5. alesh    Wed Jan 3, 09:11 PM #  

    I know . . . I’m not even into Jessica Alba so much (i do like the one photo with the guys oogling, tho). I was more into these pictures of Michelle Trachtenberg, and I don’t even know who she is . . . what’s up with the Scott Storch sunglasses??

  6. Mark Foley    Wed Jan 3, 10:32 PM #  


  7. Alex    Wed Jan 3, 10:59 PM #  

    Mmmmm, well, if I can post about art fairs I guess you can post cheesecake. But she needs to eat some ropa vieja, those ribs are sticking out! Behold

  8. alesh    Wed Jan 3, 11:05 PM #  

    I’m not worried about that, Alex. But careful inspection of this picture reveals the fact that she could probably beat both of us at arm-wrestling.

  9. jordan    Thu Jan 4, 01:29 AM #  

    Miami waves in the winter are mint. Although the water has become a bit warmer in the past few years, (like chicken soup) the motion of the ocean remains refreshing. However, what puzzles me is why the Key Biscayne barbecue beaches are so polluted. I mean, you can find some incredible women here that are not all famous and stuff and that have a most choice disposition of sorts…
    In this pic, I’m not sure who she is but(t) – ah, a woman’s ass!
    I’m such a heterosmacktual…

  10. Alex    Thu Jan 4, 08:33 AM #  

    Mos def. But that’s another Jessica, Biel. I screwed up the link. Nevertheless, a fine example of non-anorexic

  11. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 08:41 AM #  

    The photograph depicts that “take your breath away” moment that men experience when they see a truly beautiful woman. The fact that several males experience that moment simultaneously in this picture, including a boy, lends it its artistic character. Nothing as profound or artistic has ever been reproduced by Stuck On the Palmetto, which usually features stick-women that would appeal only to homosexual fashionistas.

  12. Alex    Thu Jan 4, 08:46 AM #  


  13. roger    Thu Jan 4, 08:51 AM #  

    You are my hero, Manuel! Your way with words takes my breath away.

  14. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 08:54 AM #  


    That is half a woman and not necessarily the better half.

  15. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 08:57 AM #  


    Thank-you again. Your perfect taste is itself a virtue.

  16. Alex    Thu Jan 4, 09:10 AM #  

    LOL, too funny. Perhaps Rick’s suspicions were correct.

  17. skipvancel    Thu Jan 4, 09:52 AM #  

    Who is Jessica alba?

  18. Manola Blablablanik    Thu Jan 4, 10:55 AM #  

    OMG! I cannot fucking believe this discussion!

    Duran: oh very fortunately. I predict, hopefully accurately, that vaginas are so last year.

    Manuel, must you turn everything into a gripe?

    Alesh, Michelle was the nicest dressed woman on the beach last weekend. Girl has class.

  19. skipvancel    Thu Jan 4, 01:03 PM #  

    I’m such a homofagtual….

  20. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 05:02 PM #  


    It has fallen upon you to put to rest once and for all the lie perpetrated by Rick, who alleged that Roger and I are the same person. You, at least, can attest to our different IP addresses since we both happened to blog here within minutes of each other.

    Let the truth be told and Rick exposed as a calumniator.

    Envy is an ugly thing but I can’t help it if I have a movable cheering section. Genius often elicits unsolicited admiration.

  21. j-j    Thu Jan 4, 05:42 PM #  

    Death to all the caluminiators!

  22. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 06:28 PM #  


    Honors calls.

    Do not fail to heed its summons.

  23. Cubana Beanlarden    Thu Jan 4, 07:45 PM #  

    This is so ridonculous. A post about ass ends up with shit.

  24. Alex    Thu Jan 4, 09:08 PM #  

    Uh oh, another threat. Do it Alesh or you will lose him just like we did. (sniff)

    LOL @ Beanlarden.

  25. roger    Thu Jan 4, 09:26 PM #  

    “Let the truth be told and Rick exposed as a calumniator.”

    Oh, Manuel, do it to me again, you wonderful wordsmith. Come with me and we’ll travel together to glorious places. Just me, you and your thesaurus.

  26. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 09:38 PM #  


    Stuck on the Palmetto lost me because of the monstrous canard which Rick levelled against me. Honor demanded that I sever all ties with those who would question my integrity.

    However, if Rick avows his error and promises never to commit another like it again, I may lift the anathema; for there is no place in my heart for hate or vengeance, as those who have read my musings well know.

    But I will reward obstinacy in error.

    I am confident that Alesh will act as the gentleman I believe him to be.

  27. alesh    Thu Jan 4, 09:42 PM #  

    Sho ‘nuff: roger and Manuel have different IP’s. What’s more, each IP traces back to a different internet service provider.

    Of course that doesn’t definitively disprove that you’re two separate people, but FWIW, my impression of Manuel is that he wouldn’t resort to creating an alternate persona to agree with himself. Especially not in the obviously tongue-in-cheek way that Roger’s doing (no idea what happened with them on SotP, tho).

  28. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 09:46 PM #  


    My travelling days are over, not that I ever liked to travel. And the position of majordomo is already filled. I suppose that like Boswell you wish to gather the pearls of wisdom that cascade from my lips and will be lost to futurity. It is a generous impulse but I have already left all that needs be said in hundreds of tablets. These will nourish my acolytes long after I am gone.

  29. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 09:59 PM #  


    You have amply justified the respect which you have always inspired in me. Like Emile Zola, you have vindicated an innocent man and righted a great wrong.

    I know that many of you, indignant at the treatment accorded me, will wish to rain opprobrium on Rick’s small head, and you would be right to do it and all honest men would confirm you in your trajectory. But I beg you to desist, as I do not wish to sully in any way this pristine victory over an disgraced foe.

  30. Alex    Thu Jan 4, 10:04 PM #  

    Indeed desist, hordes of Captain Dreyfuss’ followers! All two of you. Seriously.

  31. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 4, 10:10 PM #  


    In fact, thanks is not enough.

    I award you, therefore, the 2007 “Manuel A. Tellechea Is A Humanitarian” Award.

    Your blog also receives my Seal of Approval, which I have never before awarded to any blog.

  32. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 12:24 AM #  


    Even these honors are not enough.

    God bless you, noble Czech. May your birthplace always be what it is today — the moral conscience of the world.

  33. skipvancel    Fri Jan 5, 04:30 AM #  

    I ask again; Who is Jessica Alba?

  34. alesh    Fri Jan 5, 05:00 AM #  

    Who is Jessica Alba?

    As usual, her name in the original post is hyperlinked to her Wikipedia entry. Short answer: an actor.

  35. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 10:46 AM #  


    I see that you are not overwhelmed by the honors I bestowed upon you. That is good and well. As Kipling said, “[Let] all men count with you, but none too much.”

    Still, some day the New Yorker honors, oh, excuse me, the New York Magazine honors, will mean nothing to you (and the New Times honors even less to Rick and Alex).

    The Prix Tellechea and my Seal of Approval, however, shall be a distinction which you will treasure forever and which Rick and Alex will forever covet.

  36. Some white dude    Fri Jan 5, 10:49 AM #  

    Uh, Manuel, using large words consecutively does not make you intelligent, it only makes your writing nearly unreadable. And good lord man, stop responding to your own damn posts.

    And Alesh, I love you man, but that chick is as pale as my ass.

  37. Alex    Fri Jan 5, 10:52 AM #  

    More to the point, share the recipe of whatever you are smoking o drinking.

  38. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 11:07 AM #  

    Some White Dud:

    I agree. Using big words consecutively does not make one intelligent; but using them correctly does. I will not mutilate my prose style to supply the deficiencies of your education. Buy a dictionary. Or, better yet, complete your education.

  39. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 11:10 AM #  


    Absinthe and Vin Mariani.

  40. White dud...clever    Fri Jan 5, 11:13 AM #  

    Ha ha ha…I’ve got a phd already. Way to prove my point with your response…

  41. Alex    Fri Jan 5, 11:28 AM #  

    Figures. With a chaser of hashish madeleines ala Tolouse Lautrec? But I wouldn’t have you for a francophile.

  42. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 11:29 AM #  

    White Dud … Not So Clever:

    What does that mean nowadays, anyway? That you are educated beyond your intelligence? Or that there is some diploma mill out there even more mercenary than “Phoenix University?”

  43. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 11:33 AM #  


    Right, I hate the French, especially Danielle Mitterand. But that’s a long story.

  44. Typical Miami    Fri Jan 5, 11:51 AM #  

    You’re spot on there, Phoenix indeed. Please share your educational pedigree with me. I simply must attend to gain your wit and writing skill.

  45. Alex    Fri Jan 5, 11:55 AM #  

    “There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures… and the French!”

  46. Manuel A. Tellechea    Fri Jan 5, 11:57 AM #  

    Typical Miami:

    It is a gift, one not often replicated.

    All my teachers have been dead for more than 50 years. They couldn’t help you even if they wanted to. Their successors are probably as daft as you.

    So give up. It’s over.

    Still, you’ll do well enough in a world of reduced expectations.

  47. Typical Miami    Fri Jan 5, 11:59 AM #  

    Damn, I was hoping for some link to the “good old days” you speak of. Thank you for pointing out that your education is as archaic as it appears.

    Bye Bye now.

  48. Biscayne Bystander    Sat Jan 6, 02:19 PM #  

    Post #38 has absolutely nothing to do with Jessica Alba, but it sure is funny.

  49. Balou    Sun Jan 7, 06:20 PM #  

    Since I keep seeing comments that someone doesn’t know who these girls are, let me assist with my absolutely useless and trivial knowledge of celeb pop culture.

    Michelle Trachtenberg played the little sister on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (the tv show, not the movie) and is currently in the cheesefest movie “Black Christmas.”

    Jessica Alba has been in several movies including “Honey”, “Fantastic Four”, and “Into the Blue” (in which her entire wardrobe is bikinis and short shorts).

    I know… I’m a loser! =)

  50. alesh    Sun Jan 7, 07:31 PM #  


    Particularly notable, for me, is Sin City.

    Robert Rodriguez is a fascinating guy (not sure if the Wikipedia does him justice, i’m going on the basis of interviews).

  51. Roger    Tue Jan 16, 11:26 PM #  

    I just found this post. None of the above statements were made by me, the “true” Roger. You people are nuts!

  52. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 18, 12:56 AM #  


    Yes, they have hijacked your name and are using it in indecent ways.

    I, of course, was never fooled.

  53. Biscayne Bystander    Thu Jan 3, 03:35 PM #  

    Still one of my favorite posts on CM. Too bad my initial links don’t work anymore.

  54. Manuel A. Tellechea    Thu Jan 3, 07:25 PM #  


    Thank-you for reminding me that I must soon select the recipient of the 2nd Annual Edition of the Prix Tellechea, which is awarded to the blogger who has shown the greatest heroic virtue in defense of truth and justice over the last year.

    I think that we all know who is deserving of the Prix Tellechea 2008.

    Junuary 3, 2008