Thursday July 20, 2006

Le Tub

Le Tub

Le Tub, on A1A in Hollywood, is more Key West then Key West, a truly bizarre half-restaurant, half-maze which calls into question the sanity of the city’s code enforcement while laughing in the face of false indoor/outdoor dichotomies. Signs posted every few steps throughout the unairconditioned restaurant say “multi-level,” and they are not joking. The entire palace looks like it was built out of an old pier, and no single piece of floor goes more then a few feet without some steps in a random direction leading to another platform. Oh, and did I mention that the key decorating motif are painted toilets and bathtubs? Wow. (To get the most out of the surrealness, try arriving after dark and completely drunk and/or high.)

Le Tub

Now, on top of all that, Le Tub has recently had their hamburger declared the best hamburger in the country by GQ magazine. As a result, bozos from all over flock there. As a result of that, waiting times on the $10 burger ($10.50 with cheese) fluctuate from one to two and a half hours. No problem there, right? Dress lightly, and come prepared to drink a lot of beer. Bring cash, because they don’t take credit cards, and the jukebox is overpriced (but after a couple of those beers you won’t care).

Le Tub

Oh, right, the burger! Yes, it’s good. And yes, it’s worth the ten bucks. It’s gloriously huge, made with delicious sirloin, and served outdoor-stand style on a disposable plate. Fries are extra; get exactly one serving for up to four people – they’re amazing and the order is huge. We were in a hurry and had to rush after eating; for the more leisurely I suggest a stroll on the beach after your meal.

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  1. Hollywood Hal    Thu Jul 20, 09:39 AM #  

    I guess this story is about 6 months old by now, and most of us, who used to be regulars here, wish it would die so you goddam carpetbaggers and pink-kneed tourists would get the hell out already and we could get back in. BTW, that attitude is shared by the owner. Fuck you very much for recirculating it.



  2. mek    Thu Jul 20, 09:45 AM #  

    yes used to be one of my favorite holes, but now parking is a biatch. glad it’s still keeping it’s charm, however. yes, the burgers are good. not much else on the menu. next to next door is the greek place if you are up for dancing on the table. sort of soft porn hip grinding meets traditional greek circle dancing. great food. good wine.



  3. alesh    Thu Jul 20, 09:46 AM #  

    Yep. I forgot to mention that – the owners apparently are pissed about all the business. Sorry, but that little tidbit just makes us carpetbaggers the more gleeful.

    Awesome.



  4. KH    Thu Jul 20, 09:46 AM #  

    HA! I was going to say that place looks awesome—before I read Hollywood Hal’s comment. Now, though, well.

    Le Tub is clearly a hole, and anyone who pays $10 bucks for a hamburger there is a complete idiot. Any tourist who goes there marks themself as a wannabe, and will probably be mugged as soon as they set foot outside the restaurant.

    [In solidarity, HH, being a South Florida native myself and having seen this phenomenon toooo many times.]



  5. Gus    Thu Jul 20, 11:06 AM #  

    Interesting thread. I had no idea about Le Tub’s GQ status. Alesh, thank you for informing me.

    I’m wondering if I should help spread the word and link to this post. I’d love to inform our readers about the restaurant, and Alesh took some cool pictures of the place.

    But I’m worried if I do, Hollywood Hal will come and drop an F bomb on my site.

    Geesh, I thought surfers were territorial. At least with them, if you cross the line all you get is some wax on your car that says “Go Back To The Valley”.

    Sounds like if you want to surf Hollywood Hal’s break, he’ll be looking for a fight.

    I guess I’ll surf elsewhere.

    Have fun at your restaurant, Hal. The pool table sucks.



  6. Roid Rage    Thu Jul 20, 11:38 AM #  

    This place is a total beer trap. First of all its a bar with a beautiful view, the hamburger stand is just there to lure people that otherwise wouldn’t go to a hole in the wall. Making someone wait for an hour and a half is just a very ingenious way to sell more beer. The hamburgers are nothing more than steaks on a bun since they use sirloin instead of ground beef. If you suck at pool than this might be your place because the lil mini pool table will make anyone feel like a pool shark.



  7. harumi    Thu Jul 20, 11:39 AM #  

    I like le tub and think of them as hollywood seven seas, but they stink.



  8. Michelle    Thu Jul 20, 12:07 PM #  

    Hey Hal, if you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at Oprah. Oprah’s friend Gail voted Le Tub’s burger the best in the country way before GQ.



  9. J-J    Thu Jul 20, 12:29 PM #  

    Wow! I havent been there since way back in 96, I guess the trick to avoid all the tourists would be to go during the week, it must be a madhouse on weekends, which is a shame because it ruins the chram of the place. Oh well…

    My two cents
    JJ



  10. gansibele    Thu Jul 20, 12:33 PM #  

    Yeah yeah, whatever. It’s a free country, if the owner doesn’t want the extra business he could stop selling the burger. Or limit how many he makes per day. Or sell it only to people with a Hollywood address. Somehow I suspect he likes the publicity. In any case, how come a joint like that has a $10 burger in the first place?

    I’m partial to Big Pink burgers myself.



  11. Manola Blablablanik    Thu Jul 20, 12:43 PM #  

    Le Tub is AWESOME!!! I’ve know that place for years. Ladies and germs, “it’s not a place ‘like that,’” that sells $10 burgers. First of all, where TF are you going to get a decent home-style sirloin burger for less than that on any of our over-glorified seaside joints? And second of all, Le Tub may appear rickety, but it’s not some flea bag ho dive—it’s a true original.

    On a sidenote: best burger on the beach is at Mark’s Grill on 41st. Puts Big Pink to shame.



  12. gansibele    Thu Jul 20, 01:43 PM #  

    Escussez moi, Manola, I meant joint as a compliment. Judging by the pictures and Ales’s description I thought it was the kind of place where a burger runs 8 bucks tops. I’ve never been, because I found out about them in GQ and I,ve never agreed with an Alan Richman recomendation. And then I heard the owner was grousing about the influx of new people and didn’t want to add to his burden, poor thing. I’ll try Mark’s Grill. But do not dis the Pink.



  13. nonee moose    Thu Jul 20, 01:46 PM #  

    From the bowels of Suniland….

    Keg South has the best burger, at least since The Ludway died years back.

    Who needs the water, anyway? A good burger should make you close your eyes….



  14. Gus    Thu Jul 20, 01:59 PM #  

    Speaking of burgers, anyone ever hear of a place called Billabong Pub? I think it’s in Hallendale. Someone told me once they put an egg on their burgers.



  15. Manola Blablablanik    Thu Jul 20, 03:12 PM #  

    Tobacco Road has one of those heart attack burgers doesn’t it? Burger, fried egg, bacon, cheese …



  16. Hollywood Hal    Thu Jul 20, 03:44 PM #  

    Billabong faces I-95, south of Hallandale Beach Blvd. An Australian style pub, it serves about 125 kinds of beer and very decent bar food. Fun place good times. Go there. You’ll like it. Not Le Tub. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.



  17. alesh    Thu Jul 20, 04:39 PM #  

    Legend has it that Billabong was owned by a couple who sold it when they got fed up with all the business they were getting. It got too popular for them, and they sold it and opened Waltzing Matilda’s, on Tyler Street by the railroad tracks. My friend Hugh got friendly with them, and they eventually let him drink there, but they’d curse when they saw people coming. Eventually they got their wish and it went out of business. (Since then, it’s been a million failed bars, notably the 2nd location of the Abbey Brewing Company.)

    Interesting psychic connection to Le Tub, then.

    I'm not sure about the burger with hardboiled egg, but Billabong DOES serve Scotch Eggs, which I recommend. Ask if they're fresh, though; they only make them up every few days.



  18. Wide Lawn    Thu Jul 20, 04:42 PM #  

    I wanted to go here because it looks like my kinda place, but my sister, a surly waitress, warned me against it saying they were rude. She is the queen of rude, so if she said they were rude I cant even imagine how horrible they must be. I was scared to take the husband there because he is new to South Florida and would surely do something embarassing, making us look like tourists, and causing even ruder service. Any advice on how to handle this?



  19. alesh    Thu Jul 20, 04:45 PM #  

    I went with two cute girls. The waiter was very good to us.



  20. White Dade    Thu Jul 20, 04:45 PM #  

    Why must magazines ruin everything. Its funny, a friend was telling me about this place on Tuesday night. Perhaps I will wait until the GQ sotrm is over and go during Tourist season.



  21. Hollywood Hal    Thu Jul 20, 07:30 PM #  

    You’re fuckin right they’re fuckin rude! Fuckin stay the fuck out of the fuckin bar and go fuckin’ find yourself a fuckin hangout with fuckin dead cow and hard fuckin boiled egg sandwiches in your own fuckin neighborhood!!!

    Shit I’m outed. Fuckin outed.



  22. Gus    Thu Jul 20, 08:17 PM #  

    “Now, on top of all that, Le Tub has recently had their hamburger declared the best hamburger in the country by GQ magazine. As a result, bozos from all over flock there. As a result of that, waiting times on the $10 burger ($10.50 with cheese) fluctuate from one to two and a half hours.”

    Alesh, c’mon, how long did you really have to wait? Your pics give the appearance of a lazy afternoon.

    “Perhaps I will wait until the GQ sotrm is over…”.

    Does anybody still read GQ?

    “find yourself a fuckin hangout with fuckin dead cow and hard fuckin boiled egg sandwiches in your own fuckin neighborhood!!!

    Shit I’m outed. Fuckin outed.”

    No comprendo, Hal.



  23. mek    Thu Jul 20, 10:43 PM #  

    I know, who reads GQ anymore? LOL. I don’t think i want to drink swill with those meatheads either. Eew, GQ makes me think of tiny whities and ripped abs. Gaarose.

    Another favorite broward hole is rose n crown on commercial blvd near the turnpike exit in the same plaza with the swingers bar (called Swing) that got raided a few years back and some teachers got busted. No one goes to RnC ‘cept a few irish drunks and a couple of graphic designers/artists/musicians. It’s generally dead and a good place to sulk and play darts, observe the drunks get drunker and stare you down, and watch the activity in the parking lot over at Swing.



  24. mek    Thu Jul 20, 11:26 PM #  

    erm, that would be Trapeze, not Swing. Catchy, eh? Show’s how much i frequent the area. PS, it’s appx 1-2 miles east of the turnpike exit on commercial blvd, south side of the street. Rose ‘n Crown is sort of a traditional british pub, with the flag as their marquee.