Tuesday February 21, 2006

Oklahoma Marlins?

Contributed by Steve Klotz

What comes to mind when you hear the words, “Oklahoma City?”

Is it the horrific bombing of the Alfred Murrah building? That was ten years ago. Certainly a vibrant metropolis in the nation’s heartland has had something of note since then, right?

Do you think, Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein’s musical? Then you’re old and/or gay. You and your surrey with the fringe on top.

How about, It’s the latest candidate for new home of the Florida Marlins Baseball Franchise? Yeah! Now you’re cooking with corn husks.

Okie City, population 520,000, was founded in 1889. At one time, Oklahoma was known as “Indian Territory:” essentially an informal concentration camp to accommodate banished Native Americans whose land was taken for white settlement. Even that didn’t last, though, and in 1906 Oklahoma became a state, Indian Territory became a non-entity, and the city fathers declared their interest in attracting major league baseball.

The present Florida Marlins roster, composed mostly of Triple-A youngsters and journeymen second-stringers, contains no Native Americans, so we assume no sensitive “tracing the trail of tears” issues will arise. There is a real problem with the name, though. The closest marlins to Oklahoma swim in the Gulf of Mexico. How about the “Okie Dokies?” They’d like that.

David Samson, the Marlins’ stature-challenged president, doesn’t see anything odd, ironic, or idiotic about relocating a major league franchise to a third-tier American city where cow-tipping is the weekend sport of choice. “The long and short of it,” he told the press (to background snickers), “is we’ll go to the community that support us.” He’s also negotiating with the City of Hialeah for a stadium. Imagine opening day ceremonies: a city commissioner plants a bomb under the bullpen cart.

Then again, following the owners’ off-season vivisection of the Marlins, a baseball game in an Okie City barnyard wouldn’t have as much tumbleweed blowing through the stands as Dolphins Stadium will this season.

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  1. Kathleen    Tue Feb 21, 09:20 AM #  

    Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day. I’ve got a beautiful feeling; everything’s going my way.

  2. Sal & Sol    Tue Feb 21, 09:47 AM #  

    where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain
    And the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet
    When the wind comes right behind the rain!
    Ev’ry night my honey lamb and I
    Sit alone and talk and watch a hawk
    Makin’ lazy circles in the sky.

  3. Mister E    Tue Feb 21, 02:18 PM #  

    Actually, Okie City is ‘way too cosmopolitan and civilized for the pack of hyenas laughingly called Marlins ownership. How about Tombstone, AZ? Or West Bumblefuck, KS? The “Bumblefuck Marlins” has an authentic ring to it, especially considering this season’s team.

  4. john    Tue Feb 21, 08:50 PM #  

    I’m sorry, how many titles did the Marlins, as an expansion team win? And what was the turnout for supposedly baseball crazy Miamians in support of their team? And again, help me with this, how much is Miami spending on supposedly high brow MPAC and the Bayfront Park museum complex that will be hosting non-profit performances and thus not adding to the city’s tax rolls? Then remind me of who might use the spiffed up Orange Bowl (which was originally funded largely by Burdine’s), say like little league sports and high schools…?

    Guess what? Still agree with you! The Marlins shouldn’t get shit from Miami and they can go ahead to any podunk town they want. We need to spend the next $400-700 million dollar mega-giveaway to doing something like addressing our poverty problem, school system problem, illiteracy level or unskilled workforce. At least there is a chance of seeing some return. Even better, it will stop US from being/declining to a third-tier city with great weather and beaches.

  5. Lois Terms    Tue Feb 21, 10:49 PM #  

    1. Assuming that the Marlins will never attract an audience, then they need to get outta town.
    2. Assuming they’ll only attract an audience if they get a new stadium, then their owners need to secure one for them. If this proves impossible, they need to either unload the Marlins, or take them outta town.
    3. Assuming that a smarter, more dedicated, and more patient ownership group could find the way to acquire a stadium and make the Marlins successful in south Florida, then the present ownership group needs to get outta town and leave the Marlins behind.
    Anybody see a pattern here?
    My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go!” – Oscar Wilde, on his deathbed.