Tuesday January 3, 2006

Special Report!!!!!

[Contributed by Steve Klotz]

A top-level report will be leaked later today, apparently pilfered from the offices of the (formerly Miami-based) Knight-Ridder Media Company, presenting conclusive evidence that Dave Barry is NOT FUNNY. The comprehensive report, undertaken in the wake of last year’s disastrously unfunny year-end review, had been kept under wraps with the idea that its release would have (further) soured reception of Barry’s 2005 version. Alas, it leaked.

“We really didn’t want this to get out,” one K-R official glumly noted. “Dave’s been a real cash cow for this company for a long time. And when it comes to print journalism, that’s our major—make that only—consideration. This hurts!”

In recent years, Barry’s appeal has substantially shriveled. The report contains graphs that visually demonstrate how poorly his humor travels. “The chart shows almost zero readership anywhere west of the Mississippi River except one small town near Moose Hind, Oregon,” an unnamed source confided. “It picks up slightly once you get east of the Florida panhandle. But basically, we’ve narrowed down his loyal readership to about a 2-square mile area in south-central Miami-Dade County. Psychographic research shows within this area, it’s mostly people who favor what we call ‘booger humor.’ Basically, his numbers have shrunken like a spent, wet weenie.”

The source would neither confirm nor deny that Barry and Jim DeFede had entered negotiations for a “Hurled from the Herald” concert tour later this year.

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  1. Woody Allen    Tue Jan 3, 10:27 AM #  

    There’s nothing wrong with having a narrow, limited, geographically concise target audience who fully understands and appreciates your work for the genius it is, even when the rest of the world thinks it’s pretentious, boring, hacked-to-death toad stool.

  2. jojo    Tue Jan 3, 12:34 PM #  

    i have always thought of Barry as unfunny

  3. Garrison Keilor    Tue Jan 3, 02:26 PM #  

    Frankly, I believe the value of “humor” in comedy is greatly overrated. I’ve been in comedy for over 30 years, and Lord knows nobody ever accused me of being funny.

  4. Sal & Sol    Tue Jan 3, 02:40 PM #  

    Dave Barry ain’t funny? No shit! When’d that happen? Say—didja get the news that a cuppla planes flew into the World Trade Center?

  5. Rick    Tue Jan 3, 05:26 PM #  

    Call me crazy, but I think Barry IS funny.

    But then again, I’ve never voted for Bush and the man’s been President for 2 terms.

    So whatta I know?

  6. Mister E    Tue Jan 3, 10:42 PM #  

    Well, according to the release, if you’re “Stuck on the Palmetto,” you’re part of the demographic in the 2 square mile radius that still thinks Barry’s funny. Must be the traffic, or the water, or maybe something you ate. Personally, I think Bush is funnier—save for the fact that the fate of the world rests in his brain-dead hands. To mix a metaphor instead of a cocktail.

  7. Art Carnage    Wed Jan 4, 09:50 AM #  

    I think Dave Barry’s very funny, too. Then again, I hate humor.

  8. Otis The Chauffer    Wed Jan 4, 11:32 AM #  

    What? Dave Barry not funny? I’ve been smoking pot for the last 38 years. Did I miss something?

    Next you’ll be saying William Faulkner dosen’t make sense. Get real.

  9. john    Sat Jan 7, 03:34 PM #  

    I hate to be one of those “You have to listen/read/see his old stuff” people about anything, ever. But… It just seemed like he was more edgy, cynical and offensive once upon a time. And we all know those are key ingredients to humor. Somewhere lost around my place in Miami is “Dave Barry Slept Here”. I have to find it to see if anything in it was actually funny or if I was just a stupid pre-pube at the time.

  10. alesh    Sat Jan 7, 05:04 PM #  

    I know what you mean – I used to love Barry as a kid . . . i used to clip and save his year-end wrap-ups (this would have been in the 80’s). What changed since then I’m not sure, although I remember the artblog folks getting a kick out of his funpoking at Art Basel back in 04.

  11. Kent Standit    Sat Jan 7, 05:46 PM #  

    It’s like rock musicians. Sometimes they’re great when they start, and a decade later they bore you to tears. Humor has a shelf life, maybe humorists do, too. I’m not sure Barry was ever that funny to begin with, just slightly outre in a stuffy, timid market delighted by anything even a little bit out there.

    One thing he’s been consistent about since Day 1: bad haircut.

  12. One Man's Opinion    Tue Jan 10, 09:32 PM #  

    Any more there are much funnier, more insightful, edgy humor writers out there, the best of whom far and away is Joe Queenan.