Friday December 30, 2005

Gotcha last!

[Contributed by Steve Klotz]

In what may be Broward’s first incident of Florida’s new Stand Your Ground and Shoot to Kill ordinance, a Pompano Beach man was shot and killed (how about that?) following an argument with neighbors. All three parties to the shooting sport hefty criminal records including gun possession, and the neighborhood itself is considered violent. Reportedly this was the terminal chapter in a long-lasting family feud. You can read the gory details here and here so I don’t need to restate them.

Besides, they’re likely wrong.

“You media assholes are gonna turn this into a big fart-stink about my neighborhood,” one angry resident told us. “Y’all gonna start makin’ noises soundin’ like this street ain’t safe for families.”

What—a fatal gun battle on the front lawn? What could be bad for kids about that?

“Wasn’t no shoot-out. Was a rehearsal.”

A rehearsal for what? Bringing back Gunsmoke episodes?

“New Year’s Eve, is what! They was just firing into the air like you do on New Year’s Eve, and, well, one of ‘em missed.”

Actually, one of them didn’t miss.

“Whatever. But that’s all it was, people havin’ fun and an unfortunate accident. So get off our ass.”

End of interview. Gotta love this job.

Shooting firearms into the air at midnight on New Year’s Eve is high up on the Intelligent Cultural Practice List, right behind female circumcision and taking your own daughter’s virginity. I prefer to think that this was an all-out planned homicide, or at least a genuine argument ending is bloodshed. That’s the American Effin’ Way, dammit, and this is Effin’ America. Happy New Year, citizens!

comments powered by Disqus
  1. Lois Terms    Fri Dec 30, 02:39 PM #  

    I call bullshit. Nobody said this. You didn’t interview anybody. If it wasn’t for the 2 newspaper articles I wouldn’t believe anything ever happened. Bull. Shit. Bullshit.

    Funny, though.



  2. Sean    Fri Dec 30, 04:55 PM #  

    Back home in Derry we celebrate the new year by hurling a Tory out a window at midnight.



  3. onajide    Sat Dec 31, 12:05 AM #  

    Back in the 80s when I lived in the Grove, people used to shoot off guns like that on New Year’s midnight. I heard buckshot falling on the roofs as I was trying to make it home one time but, there was so much buckshot I ran into a church and worshipped with them until it was all over. It was a quiet service so I didn’t mind. And, remember that little 4yr girl that got killed when a New Years eve bullet struck her in the head about 3 yrs. ago?