Tuesday July 26, 2005

S-s-s-s-s-s snakehead!!!!

[Contributed by Steve Klotz]

When you find out that the snakehead is also called Frankenfish,
you might figure maybe there’s a problem. And you’d be right.

One of 28 species of snakeheads native to Asia and Africa, the Northern Snakehead Fish grow to over 3 feet long and 15 pounds. Aggressive predators, they’ll gobble up fish, aquatic birds, amphibians, and even small mammals. They can survive in crappy water with little oxygen and travel across land: in fact, snakeheads can survive out of water for 4 days in search of a more suitable habitat.

All god’s creatures, right? Well these guys don’t belong in the western hemisphere any more than tsunamis or babaganoosh, and for much the same reason: they’re murder on living things, and environmental disasters. Presumably, some dolt decided he’d toss one in a sewage pond—apparently he bought it with the intention of eating the damn thing and changed his mind—and in no time flat they’d taken over an entire creek in the Potomac River system. (“They’re as bad as developers,” one fisherman growled. “Not quite as nasty, but almost as slimy.”) They’ve since been spotted (and caught) as far west as California, as far north as Wisconsin, and as far south as Broward County, where the International Game Fish Association (IGFA) Fishing Hall of Fame proudly presides.

With all the uproar from fish and game agencies, sport fishermen, and environmentalists of every stripe and kidney, one would think that the IGFA, here in the angling capital of the country, would be leading the charge to eradicate these pests (the snakeheads, not the environmentalists). And think how “Frankenfish” would make for a terrific marketing opportunity for membership and environmental awareness! But a review of IGFA’s website turns up precisely one reference—from a months-old newsletter featuring a photo of a 3 foot specimen caught (and released) in Thailand. Notorious for missing the boat (pun intended), IGFA stays the course.

Meanwhile, in the unlikely event that you find yourself poling through the freshwater flats and you spot what looks like Kathleen Harris
before her make-up and morning coffee staring up at you, whack its ass to death without a second thought. Because your next encounter may be on highway somewhere as it heads for cleaner water and a better habitat. Hmm. Maybe we should follow it.

[See all Articles by Steve]

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  1. cohen    Tue Jul 26, 02:45 PM #  

    i want a frakinfish safaria hunt so bad,,, anyone game,,,

  2. Meck the Schmeck    Fri Jul 29, 11:37 AM #  

    Very informative article. The Babaganoush was yummy.

    Here’s a delicious Snakehead recipie I use on the members of this succulant species that I catch at The Lakes in FDR Park in South Philadelphia.

    1. Make sure your Snakehead is dead. (In South Philly we accomplish this by smacking the mother fucker upside the head numerous times with a trash can lid. (Works great on other species too!)

    2. Filet your Snakehead carefully being careful to avoid the poisonous lungs. (Good advice for any fish caught in or near South Philly.)

    3. Marinate filets in buttermilk overnight.

    4. Rinse filets thorouly and coat with a dry rub consisting of equal parts:

    Ground Allspice
    Anise Root
    Sea Salt
    Chipotle Chile Powder
    Garlic Powder
    Cayanne Pepper

    5. Refrigerate coated filets for 6 hours.

    6. Soak two pounds of Hickory Chips in a bucket of water for 1 hour.

    7. Get your smoker going good.

    8. Smoke filets for a minimum of 4 hours adding Hickory Chips and more hot coals at exact 45 minute intervals.

    9. Remove filets to an overproof caserole dish.

    10. Bake in preheated 250 degree oven for three hours more.

    11. Take caserole dish with filets and throw it in the fucking trash along with your smoker, filet knife, the butter milk bowl and any other thing that god awful vermin has touched.

    NOTE: This recipie is equally delicious for bluefish, mackeral, and bonita. Try it and you’ll say, “Thanks Meck the Schmeck.”

  3. Sol and Sal    Fri Jul 29, 04:30 PM #  

    Back home, a “smoker” is a porn flick. What’s that make the “snakehead”? Yich. Ain’t seen a fish that gruesome since I quit drinking fountain pen ink.

  4. yacine    Fri Nov 4, 04:21 PM #