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Wednesday June 29, 2005
Smitty's Diner Update
[Contributed by Ed Bell]
Latest news has it that Smitty’s will NOT be open on Saturday, July 2nd, as previously reported. Their last day of operation will be this Friday, July 1st, ‘til 3 pm. Damn, I was hoping to order my “breakfast of death” (two eggs over medium on top of a slab of crunchy, corned beef hash, side of flapjacks oozing butter and way too much fake maple syrup, side of crispy bacon, maybe a side order of grits, large cafe con leche, large iced tea, four tablets of Alka Seltzer, a small glass of cold tap water and then someplace to stretch out and take a nap).
Yikes! In view of the confirmation of the U.S.’s second report of Mad Cow Disease, I guess I better heed my wife’s suggestion that I become a vegetarian (TVP will never cut it in my book). DAMN, no more breakfasts of death. No more Smitty’s – what’s this life coming to?
Anyway, rumors abound that the restaurant will be taken over by the proprietors of a Peruvian restaurant on Biscayne Blvd. Anybody for cerviche with your flapjacks?
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TVP is simply gross.
To make the advance to the truly nauseating,
you gotta turn on to Vegemite,
Australia’s answer to edible athlete’s foot.
And as bad as it tastes and smells,
the inevitable ensuing flatulence
could incapacitate a turkey vulture.
As for replacing breakfast at Smitty’s,
while it’s a long haul north I recommend
the Floridian on Las Olas Blvd in Ft Lauderdale.
You can’t lose with any of the humongous omelets
served with potatoes and toast;
my preference is the 3-egg spinach and feta.
Cerviche isn’t available,
but it wouldn’t be difficult to talk a waiter
nto allowing you to bite him.
My guess is he’d even supply the lime.